Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
