u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
