dude i'm inner monologue high
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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