STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
