Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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