your room smells of hookers.
And success
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
