brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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