I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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