enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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