well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
