dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
