I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
