I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
