Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
