so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
