why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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