We won't sleep together?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
