my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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