We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize