My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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