what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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