Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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