My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
