wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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