Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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