She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
