I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
