My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
