Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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