Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
