the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
