There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
