Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
