I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
do herpes really smell.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
