the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize