wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You made out with two different species that night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
