office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
