i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
