wake up i wanna do it froggy style
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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