you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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