remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
