I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize