3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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