The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
