I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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