hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
sex in a hospital.. check
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
