ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
