dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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