I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
