Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
