Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
