Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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