So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
