Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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