Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
