If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
