i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
