You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
wow bdsm is so cute
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