Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
