I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
