Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
