turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
