tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
