New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
nutella sex= disaster
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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