Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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